To All Of My Friends The Most Amazing People I know

cassie got me thinking about all of this even more then i have been.... i miss you all sooo much!!  this poem is to all my people i havent been that close to lately. ive been thinking abou you all so much and it hurts so bad that i dont talk to any of you anymore. we were all so close and now were so far apart. we used to chill everyday, now i never see you. i knew this was going to happen someday, just not this soon. i knew we wold all drift apart and go our seperate ways. well not all of us but some. most of you will atleast have some of each other, i dont think ill have any of you. we're kinda living in two diferent worlds now. liveing diferent life styles. i have so many memories with all of you. elissa, my wifey,  17 years and now falling apart. living with you, getting fucked up,high 5 all of it. i love you soo mcuh. we have memories that go back soo far like GGG, and the fort, mash. all the pool games. you were my best friend growing up and through everything, its all fadding aways now though. i love you and always will. cassie, sttooooonneer, high 5, 3ss, nigga, chigga, wigga, the icey hill at the middle school. eeeeeeeee, cleaning out my closet to smoke a bowl, my dog eating our weed, doral, smoking grand mom and drinking grand pop, the oath, and more. billy, my husband. you were my best friend for soo long. i love you with all my heart, and i thought i as going to marry you someday. you always were there and gave me a sholder to cry on and helped me through my heart breaks. you showed me a lot about myself and helped me in a lot of ways, thank you. you made me feel like one of the most gorgeouse and amazing girls ever. pat your a crazy guy but i love you soo much. you made me feel so sexy. you talked me through all my heart breaks. i have cried in your arms a lot, almost  as much as i have in billys. you showed me a lot and made me laugh so hard, i miss you soo much. you billy and matt always made me feel so loved. thank you matt you always knew how to talk to a lady and make her feel good bout herelf. you have come through and chilled when it only me and you and we have a great time just chilling and talking. your a great guy and desirve the best girl ever. we have had a lot of memories together laughing, fights, everything. you have stood by me through a lot and helped me through some extremly hard times i didnt think i was going to make it through. you have talked me out of a lot of things that im very glad for, i wouldnt be here if you wouldnt have. i love you
 thinking about all of the times we have all had together puts a smile on my face, it also make me wanna cry. im so glad i have got to spend time with all of you and get to know you all so well. you all make me feel soo specail and loved. the guys make me feel sexy and gorgeous, and the girls make me feel beautifil and great. you all make me feel amazing.  i want to thank you all so much for everything. you have all helped me find myself in your own ways, and grow as a stronger and better person. it might not have seemed like i took your advice but i did. your are all the most amazing people i know and will ever know.  if i never saw any of you again i would still think about you all everyday of my life and tell everyone how great of people you are. i love you all and always will. you all have the most specail spot in my heart. <<33

it feels like everything is falling apart
memories fadding,
feeling distant from everything
how did this happen,

not knowing what to do,
so cunfused,
lost in the rush,

is this the right way,
where do i go next,
what is coming now

how did i loose you
it seems so wrong
we were so tight
but now so far apart

this cant be
tell me its a bad dream
please wake me up
and tell me so

i want you back
but its too late
i wish i could fix it all
but that i can not do
why is this happening
it was so good
but now its so wrong

i love you
this cant be true
tell me it isnt so

by, tina

i learned that the hardest thing to do, is to not call some one and bitch them out when the do me dirty. it pays off though. you make them realize that they dont mean much to you and they dont have power over you. it ends up hurting them mor inthe end then it hurts you. 

tina

                            some of lifes lessons

so i heard today that im a total fuck up. all ive ever done with my life is fuck up and i ruined it. i never looked at it like that. i looked at it as makin mistakes. other people look at it as fuckin my life up. i know i have mad a lot of mistakes in my life but everyone does. no one is perfect. i lost a good old, friend because of this though. he said its cause i started to do pills. not only that i did them but i did them to numb my pain. i didnt believe that i fucked my life up really bad until my friend told me that. i still dont see it as ruining my life, like i said there mistakes. every one makes them, yea i may have made a little more then some people. that still isnt a reason to stop bein friends with someone though. a real friend will help a friend when they are fucking up and need help. if its with drugs, the law, depression, anything that they can possible help with.  they wouldnt just through you out cause of that.  i have friends that have and never will do drugs or get in trouble that still are close to me and wouldnt stop talkin to me cause of that. you live and learn. it may be you learn to be smarter about what you do or it may be you learn that its not worth the risk of gettin in trouble and not do it. there is a lesson in everything you do in life. take the lesson and run with it, use it dont through it out and act like its not worth a try. you will never know if its stupid or you dont like it if you dont try it. if you live your life saying you dont like somethin that you havent tried your missing out. you could be missing out of the best things. or you could pass up the perfect person for you just because you dont think there good enough for you.  just cause you dont find yourself physically atracted to someone doesnt mean u cant be after you get to know them for them. never through somethin out totally. nothin good will come out of it. it may start as nothin and turn into the biggest and best thing that ever happen to you. nothin bad can come from tryin something new. even if you had someone and didnt think u liked them cause you noticed there flaws, dont through them out totally either. stay friends with everyone. there is nothing wrong with havina lot of friends. but you dont notice what you have until its gone. when u leave them cause of there bad qualities you notice how good there good ones are. when that happens you feel so stupid and fucked up. the good people are normally not the best lookin but there personality makes them the most amazing gorgeous people. being hot doesnt make you perfect. being a sweetheart and a good person makes you an amazing gorgeus person. you could find yourself marrying a person you never thought you would like because they werent "hot" enough for you, until you see them for them not there looks. the perfect person for you could also be right next to you and be your best friend. most of the time your soul mate is your best friend. the person you never knew you would look at in a romantic way until you give them a chance. it could be in a day, it could be in  a while down the road. your best friend knows you the best and loves you the most. sometimes that love can be turned into a different love and be takin far. the relationships that last the longest are the ones where you start out as friends. dont jump into things, you can ruin something that could be good. how fast it starts isnt always the best, its how long it lasts that means somethin. normally the ugly duckling ends up being the hottest ones. it doesnt mean your better if you have a hot boyfriend/girlfriend, it means your better when you can look into someone and see them for them not their looks. looks dont mean anythin. good looks wont get you treated good and loved like your supposed to. its the heart that has to be good and that will get you somewhere. that is where you will find true love and your true lover. if you find someone you love and loves you and is nice to you hold on to them. if you let them go you notice you made a mistake and its hard to fix. a broken heart is one of the hardest things to fix. its hard when its the person who broke it tryin to fix it too cause the trust isnt there anymore. just try things and learn from it. theres a lifes lesson in everything. take it and run with it dont let it go to waste. and just look inside someones heart and see them for who they really are. dont through them out cause you think there not sexy enough. the best ones arent that cute now but turn out to be the sexiest amazing ones. and if you stay with them when they arent cute and you love them for them, you will have that stud you wanted but didnt have then cause you fell in love with someones heart  and personalitly not there looks. theres a reward at the end of everything good you do. you may not always see it, but it is there. love life and everyone. they might not be there forever. lifes not always far but you have to treat it like you care. some of lifes biggest and best gifts come is small pakages. it may not look the best but it turns out to be your favorite after you try it.

love, tina

Daddy, lets start over. lets make it better. please i need you more then you know. your the only one i will even have and i dont want it to be like this. we love each other so lets act like it. show love with love not with hate. we can help each other with inspireing words instead of hateful words. lets make this work. we need each other.

                      ~*~HAPPY 9TH BIRTHDAY LAUREN!!!~*~

                                    ~*~HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY LONI!!~*~

             i love yu both soo much!!!

everyone please come see lauren, its her 9th birthday and we dont have the money to through her a party so we are trying to get people to come and hang out and everything. it would mean a lot to her and me. she has been crying to me because shes not going to have a party. i dont know what to say to her except you dont need a party to have fun. a little girl does deserve a party though. so please everyone make this little girls day....

tina~*~